cloudyboy-

2006-12-02T13:44:00.000+08:00

i have moved to http://logicalparadox-.blogspot.com

2006-11-01T00:24:00.000+08:00

stalemate.

i can no longer move.

the game is over.

ive lost my queen.

i put her through the harshness of the frontline.

i couldnt have kept her by my side.

could i?

i had no choice.

did i?

but now tht ive lost most of my pieces. it doesnt really matter does it.

i have no castle to hide in no more... completely vulnerable to e strike range of e white soldiers.

i guess this is only the right fate.. tht should befall the black king.

the king who made decisions. and sacrificed his queen in tough check. just to overcome the crisis. the fool.

e feeling when u are short of one move to turn e game around. to change e outcome... is a terrible one. but uve lost... all fair and square.. even if its a move.. just one.. ive lost..

2006-09-13T23:02:00.000+08:00

it is painful to not matter as much to someone as tht someone matters to you.
i wish scenarios never existed whr i wan tht person to bother, but i dun wanna bother tht person to bother if bothering is a bother to tht person and as a result IM bothered.

2006-09-06T12:04:00.000+08:00

gonna eat sakae soon. hehs. anw. drew this for fun. drawing humans now. this is just a portion. gonna possibly convert it to grafitti art later. cya!

2006-09-02T14:27:00.000+08:00

why cant these complicated things become simple.

2006-08-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

Kenneth: Likes doing a bollywood with Ms Chia, spinning round trees with excuses for not doing Maths Tutorial. Has the tendency (Jun Zhi claims it's 'has the audacity') to belittle Jun Zhi and run him down with regard to academics, hair, talent, among many others. Has a colourful character, and a very expressive hairstyle, that he tries to implement on Colin and Kian Yan. Self-proclaimed to be an integral member of the Phobos basketball team, which in reality, isn't all that true. Special technique - Notice that every particle of stationary in his pencil box is a subject of his belief that 'finders keepers'. It's calling koping.

ben yeo's profiling. its hilarious. xD wow. he has a blog for me. madness. and hey.. benchwarming is a very important job. yea. x')

2006-08-27T21:49:00.000+08:00

you. ouch. dad is causing trouble again. double ouch. and 32 days to promos. triple ouch. seriously. ouch. haii. and i havent got much time left.

2006-08-27T15:09:00.000+08:00

haha. next week is happy week. coz theres no THURSDAY. thurs day is a BAD DAY. its evil. it ends at freakin 5.05. it has bio olympiad training. WORST OF ALL it is a day FILLED with neverending tutorials. the most terrorizing aspect of a thursday in our "beloved" college is that straight after first recess, the trauma of DOUBLE CHINESE sets in. it takes over u. for two solid hours the continuous droning of a language u hardly wish to understand is played on like a bagpipe blasting in ur ears on a saturday morning. but then the petrification doesnt end here. following of which is an equally disturbing period of MATH where our beloved miss chia never fails to keep an keen eye on my every move. every twitch. stealth is of utmost importance. and tht explains the fact that my best friend in 303 is alwaes "stealthy"(actually he practically disappears) a.k.a in the toilet, during the periods of homework checking. im more of the strategist. playin mindgames with the tutor. small shifts of the hand cover essential blank portions of my tutorials, tiny lifts of the page suggests the completion of my otherwise undone homework. its more taxing than a strategy game. anw i decided to do some funny profiling. please dun take these stuff i say to heart. its just for fun's sake. well. let me introduce to u the guy comrades hu battle alongside with me in the cruel war of jc life.

junzhi : he is master of escape artistry. always hidden away safely in the toilet and treacherous times, or times that he feel he is at danger. always targeted for his cool hair. uses deceptive techniques to escape forced haircuts. (in existent chinese barber illusionary skill) special technique: classroom disappearance act

ben yeo : my accomplice cum side kick. notorious for his cunning ways. i sadly admit he has surpassed me in terms of deception. he possesses the clever disguise of a innocent studious school boy who ALWAYS does his homework. something that i will never achieve. in fact if u see him at first glance, u'd think hes top scholar or sumthin. special technique : long term MC escape jutsu.

shude : fun guy. our assistant cg rep. leader of the anti-marcus association. cunning and deceptive. DO NOT BE FOOLED by his perfect semicircle smile or dashing looks. part of the jp4s society ( jasmine peggy shude shermaine sunglass society) special technique: cute jap babe voice.

marcus : world one tennis. like the house hes in (phobos) hes second to none. our beloved cg rep. note- BEWARE OF SUBJECT DURING ALL SPORTS AND GAMES. failure to observe will lead to SERIOUS injury. special ability: Eau de Marcus

spencer: alwaes sleeps whenever possible. special technique: instant food removal

brian: very undetectable. never fails to find an opening to touch guys' chests. very frightening. special technique: freeze-ur-guts chest rub. one touch will cause muscle spasms to reverbrate around one's body followed by a scream of " eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeYUCCCKKKK!!"

benchew: known for funny reactions to certain matters. special technique: lateferschooleromia.

sebastian: ehhh. nice guy. my wonderful grp leader. i dunno wad to say too. special technique: i-know-who-u-like revealing technique.

kianyan: extremely fluent in the chinese language. never fails to totally stun me his his powerful chinese syllables. what else can i say? TOBEN POWER!

colin: very nice guy. our treasurer. never fails to make my money disappear. uses similar deception techniques as ben yeo. he looks super honest. i actualli believe he is. but a realli nice guy. hes good in studies too. i realli got nothing to sae.

davis: chem god. loves MAG.....nolia ice cream. special technique: ive-already-done-my-homework

kenneth (aka me): fill in ur comments on the tag board. i guess u guys shd have the fun of setting my profile. i know wad jas will say. IM KENNETH JIE JIE. -.-"

2006-08-24T21:01:00.000+08:00

pissed now. why is it tht parents have some freaking problem with their children using the com. to all computer illiterate NOOB parents. the com can be used for more things then just gaming. plus i dun freaking game anymore. and i was fucking doing my work when my dad came in and told me off for using the com. wads ur problem la. its not like i freaking like it. just cause u dun noe wad im talking abt, msn isnt abt playing all the time i was using it for PW and u ASSUME im playing. so juz shut up or ask nicely wad im doin b4 jumping to ur FUCKING conclusions b4 telling me off without even doing anith. jc life is rough enuff. here i am struggling to catch up and there u are fucking making noise. its not like i enjoy doing this shit. and when u finally REALISE uve made a mistake, U FUCKING RELATE IT TO OTHER THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN RELATED. dig up the old things. cover up for ur booboo. u guys are humans too so u make mistakes and when u do pls admit them. coz it pisses me off when u act as though ure all perfect. i wish i had a family that talks more. i noe tht im in e wrong sumtimes and i thank u guys for keeping me in line. but dun breathe down my neck. sure. i admit i do need a yelling at sumtimes. but i wasnt in the wrong this time. now uve ruined my mood for work and its not like i had much in the first place.. i juz wanna get out of this place sumtimes..

2006-08-13T22:01:00.000+08:00

i guess feelings do fade after not seeing or talking to e person. im guessing "out of sight, out of mind" overrules "absence makes the heart grow fonder" in some ways. just the thing i need now.. for those feelings of mine to stop bothering me for 2 mths. just two months. i guess ive gotta change right now. heres a sorry to all the teachers for being a screwy student for many months. that is if teachers do read blogs. and i need to sae a big thank you to linda. THANK YOU. you noe wad it is for. xD

2006-08-11T13:09:00.000+08:00

the sunset. beautiful aint it?

2006-08-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

"Blown up,
All standing up on end.
Dead knots in my
HAIR, impossible to mend.
Desperately i seek for,
Any cure or remedy.
Yes indeed is today a bad hair day for me."

Its not that bad but screw the random barber hu cut my hair. haha. i shall stick to my old one.. never am i gonna risk it again. hai. itll take a while for the fringe to regrow... he screwed it but thank god i know how to edit fringes..

2006-07-31T22:18:00.000+08:00

a flower.
in the park.
beautiful.

its petals dance,
to the melody of the wind.
innocent.

i reach my hand out to touch it.
the feeling. smooth.
pleasant.

i check for thorns.
none.
shall i pluck it? i ponder.

no.

i shant.

leave it alone i shall.
why disturb its growth?
it is in good hands.

ill leave you there flower.
to gaze from afar.
the beauty of it all.

2006-07-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

went to study for a little while with tab the nonsense woman today. haha. interesting how she never fails to make me laugh.. that thick-skinned girl. xD but thank you girl. seriously. i know u were totally lazy to drag ur butt out of the house to accompany me when i was feeling yucky but u DID. so. ure nice! and thanks you for that.. maybe ill treat u to a fishball sum dae. ha.

im in love with mc spicy burger. SO NICE. i want to eat it NOW.

went to e beach yesterdae. east coast. hahah. the beach with a perpetual breeze.. but then again.. all beaches do.. xD thts y theyre nice.. haha. i dont know why im still a little affected although i told myself to get over it.. seems my control over my feelings has waned. haha.. but im feeling betta now thanks to my dear FISHBALL FACE. =) for e third time.. THANK YOU!

2006-07-29T00:16:00.000+08:00

haha. a mission. its a difficult one. the fact remains that it is one that a loss is incurred with or without completion.. abt ur mission.. i guess e ultimate one isnt what you plan to achieve but rather one tht will give you happiness.

for me. i have got a mission too.. but it comes along with a wish.. and a dream. my mission is one that requires me to pick u up when u fall. shield u in times of vulnerability. in other words.. just to be there when u need sumone..

As for my wish.. i just want you to be happy and without regrets or suffer any kind of hurt or anith.. it doesnt matter if you complete ur mission or not. that smile of yours is all i ask for.

And as for my dream, simply put, is to be with you. but mine is a desire without expectations. because to get what i want.. its a complicated.. and.. i dont wish to get people hurt over my dream. but at the same time.. my heart yearns to fight for my happiness. and its a struggle really..

I dont know what will happen but as for now, my mission i will continue.. my wish i pray for it to come true.. but my dream.. is really for you to be happy.. but i just wished through some miracle.. i wud be able to share that happiness with you..

2006-07-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

i nid to focus.
focus.
focus.

ive never focused until e stress comes.
but i nid to now..
before its too late.
FOCUS KENNETH!!!

2006-07-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

honestly.
i really wanted to write a poem today.
but my mind is so full of mixed emotion that it isnt possible.

im tangled in this mess.
in my hand i hold a knife capable of setting me free. but instead i cut myself with it.
because cutting that rope would have trigger many other traps which may end up hurting everyone including myself.
so i allow myself to be further strangled by this binding fibre.
its frustrating. and im sick of it.
i want to cut the damn rope. but i wont. and cutting it may not necessarily be good.
and i cant risk that.
i wanna protect sumone from the possibility of the frustration im feeling.
and to do that..
im helplessly lost.

i guess thats roughly how i feel.

2006-07-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

damned dastardly dreaded dreams delve deep down.
irritating idiotic illusions interfere in i.
endless everlasting evils elusively enter.

2006-07-18T23:46:00.000+08:00

hoho. its late. and i just decided to type sum random stuff here. hahahaha. im happy i did ok for listening. im unhappy coz i think i screwed bio spa. im happy coz my logo is used for phobos. im unhappy coz i may have to be captain for bball interclass games ( such a bother- all bcoz of miss suey)

todae i thought of you. and how impossible it is between us..

i guess ill wait. its not as though theres a need to rush. if its meant to be. it will be.

2006-07-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

left a poem on the rocks of e beach todae.. shall go to see if its still there another time.. haha. shes still clueless about me liking her.. i wish i could let her know.. get if off me. but at the moment i think its too much to take. plus its not right. plus shes alot betta off not knowing it so why add e stress? i figured i dun nid to like be with her to love her. so its okae. i can love her as a friend. i dun even noe why i was so frustrated at all. hehs. guess confusion set in for a while. hahaha. im juz gonna leave it to fate laa. what matters most is shes happy and i guess she is. well see. haha. beaches rock. so long time nvr go liao. i sat there and stared at e waves for 3 hours straight. it was so shuang. okae. i gave myself a day to get over with it. time to "MOVE ON WITH LIFE" as said by miss soh and coincidentally myself -_-" well. i have a new wish now.. its that you be happy and stay happy.. i hope ur problems juz go away soon! thtll make me VERY happy. haha. i also got big problems coming my way. known as PROMOS. oh. ive got to psyche myself. " my new love! STUDYING! " im gonna make studying my girlfriend. hehehe... okae. tht sounded scary. xD

hoho. im a happy boy. im happy to have met u. im happier that ive got to know you. i even happier that you know me. and im the most happy, when ure happy.

famous amos choc chip cookies costs only $1 and it makes a kenneth high. dun do drugs. do famous amos! now sold at mjc stall 6. while stocks last. (as shude and kenneth buy them excessively)

PS: if u wanna see e poem.. its right on the breakwater behind bbq pit 15 at pasir ris beach. hahah. not a very good one tho. hehe. and i doubt pple will bother to see. oh. tag on the rock if u see it okae? tht will be so COOL! xD

2006-07-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

i alwaes end up in situations whr i dont want what i want. i want sumthing but by getting it ill get sumthin i dun want.. and id rather not get tht sumthin if i have to get tht sumthin. so in e end ill nvr get tht sumthin or anything.. and.. it hurts.. because i wun do it. because it isnt right. because i.. nvm. i hate the feeling. but i love it too. ironic eh..

"im just like a stale-mated king in a game of chess,
a gun aimed at the enemy in a room filled with gas.
im just like a wood cutter standing on the wrong side of the tree,
a caged bird with a key but doesnt long to be free.
im just like a killer with a laser encased in a sphere with mirrors within,
an anorexic chocolate lover whos crazy about being thin."

im just me. and i want to get out of this. but yet i want to stay..

2006-07-11T19:21:00.000+08:00

why pursue the daggers thrown at you from behind when they are done without honor? graciously accept these wounds if you have stained the backs of others red yourself. it is human to feel the desire for revenge. but is it realli required? why expend all that energy on spreading unwholesome ideas behind people's back and gettin pple to dislike your enemy for a crime he has never really committed but is really a figment of your pack of lies? is it reallli fair to your enemy then? God said that it is a sin to talk unwholesomely behind another's back, regardless whether friend or foe. when u commit this sin, the person u have sinned against is likely to fall into the devil's clutches and sin against you as well. and come to think of it. you may not even have hated tht person.. even he has done some awful deed against you, i guess after thinkin abt it.. it is much better to leave him to face His punishment rather than take things into your own hands. as we after all are human too. we dont have tht right to judge others. as the saying goes you can never please every single person in the world so just please God. this is to all e pple who commit this mistake. if you realli enjoy bitchin abt people.. they are realli powerless to stop u. but heres my request la.. clarify your facts before saying all tht stuff. and even if the person is really guilty of your accusations give him a chance. to realise his mistakes. u might say youre upholding justice. but why take things into your own hands. as a matter of fact its for your personal gain as u derive pleasure from seeing this particular person get ostracised because of the words u spread. you may think oh, he deserves it. but think abt it... you sure as hell deserve it too.

2006-07-10T22:22:00.000+08:00

"silver-liningless clouds shroud my darkened skies,
over my world they pour, the rain never dries.
lifeless and sore are my reddened eyes,
emptying drops of misery as the time flies.
my existence is insignificant, my spirit cries,
nights are lonely, severed are my friendship ties."

2006-07-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

I feel lost.
Left at the junction,
Of a forked road.
Vicious is the the terrain on either side.
Exhausted, i plod on,
Yelling to myself in agony.
Only wishing i could get out of this frustrating situation.
Under that cool exterior is a tormented soul.
Bearing burdens.
Unforgiving ones.
Thoughts of decision.
I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD.

i guess i shall just let my heart guide me. sometimes... i wish i could read peoples minds.. but at the moment my capabilties limit me to guessing..

2006-06-18T20:33:00.000+08:00

i noe i sound really totally obnoxious in this entry. but hell yes. this isnt even one out of a hundred this guy deserves.

"Repeatedly you stab the hearts of those you have recieved,
Every single one has bled more than you concieved.
Trickling down your face the metallic liquid of life,
Revel in the sweet punishment for causing all their strife.
Is it painful? does it hurt? more than that uve dealt?
Bitter isnt it? its nothing though, compared to what they felt.
Utterly despicable you are for breaking all those hearts,
Ten millon bucks i would pay, just to pelt you with darts.
If you werent so superficial you wouldnt cry for your mirror,
Only to discover you pretty face is scratched to your very horror.
Never has divine retribution tasted so sweet."

this is for jonathan quek. screw you u two faced bastard. oh i forgot. one of them is scratched.. aw.. need your mirror? or do you want to scream for it before i get it for you? feel the pain you have caused.. although the pain isnt exactly physical.. afraid you cant use your pretty boy face to charm any more girls whom in e end you shrug off like dirt? oh wait. it wasnt even pretty. mabbie you ought to scratch up your honeyed tongue as well? you know.. the one which delivers a pack of lies without even flinching? oh yah. i fail to state that i actualli wudnt pay ten million bucks to toss darts at him. hes too thick skinned for inch long needles to poke through.

PS: if you ever read this, take this as payback for the pain u have indirectly caused me. and trust me. itll do you good to scratch the other side of your face as well. its a good remedy for playboyishness.

2006-06-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

"Death places its skeletal hand on her shoulder,
even the slightest burden seems like a boulder,
pilfering every ounce of spirit that remains,
rendering her useless as the heavy weight maims.
endlessly, she is tormented by the demons within,
sundering her thread of vitality, which grows so very thin,
suicide seems the only way out,
illness strikes her bout after bout.
only her will can save that broken soul of hers,
nothing else."

2006-05-26T00:09:00.000+08:00

life. a kaleidoscope.
colourful.
a beautifully messed up spectacle.

the twists and turns make the kaleidoscope spin,
disarranging the rainbow pellets within.
but it is this uncertainty, unpredictability,
that makes life a spectrum of random beauty.

so when your kaleidoscope is being overturned,
fret not and never be disheartened,
but rather look though the eye piece to bright side,
and let the array of lights take you on a joy ride.

2006-05-12T23:42:00.000+08:00

"i always lie, think about it,
really, not even a single bit
of truth from lips u hear,
never honest i am i swear,
you believe me?"

hidden word hidden meanings. enjoy.

2006-05-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

the window
My name is Denver Klaus. And today I wish to tell you about a little girl who touched my heart. Her name was Lina Marie, and she was only eight when she breathed her last. A beautiful girl with a beautiful story.

I was strolling down the corridor of the Sydney Eye Hospital, wards on either side of me. A necklace of a stethoscope hung loosely around my neck as i made my rounds checking on the patients in the wards. It was always a gloomy experience, inspecting the cancer wards. It felt as though Death was side by side with you, ready to swing his scythe on their poor souls, the same way he impaled my daughter's. Medicine could only stall for time as the double edged sword of chemotheraphy swings blindly taking both enemy cell and their own. And here i was, fighting against my grief over my daughter's recent death and against the cancer cells of my patients.

The sight of the cancer-stricken people sent a cold surge through my heart. How could I, a doctor specialised in the treatment of cancer have let my very own daughter lose her life to the fatal disease? Regret for neglecting and not noticing the signs of deterioration of her health earlier and the helplessness of not being able to find that precious marrow transplant pierced through my heart at each step i took past those wards. "Maybe i should give up and just quit. im not fit to treat these patients anymore" , i thought. Then, with a vigorous shake of a head i shrugged the thought away.

You should have seen the lifeless expressions on the faces of them. it was definitely depressing. and the number that may die, 80%? Then in ward 908, an empty bed. this shocked me. i looked around the room for then missing patient and to my relief, there she was, kneeling by the window-side. eyes closed. Curious, i walked to her side and asked kindly, "Hey there, whats your name?"

She opened those hazel eyes of hers. "Im Lina. Whats yours sir?" , she replied. "Oh, im doctor Klaus but u may call me Denver. May i ask what were you doing just now?", i questioned. "Oh Doctor, I was praying to Him to remove these baddie cells and take away the pain. Mommy told me to pray everyday before she left me at Marie's (an orphanage) but she never came to see me again. Sister Susan brought me here to this hospital, she said i only have a few months left till i go to the wonderful place. She said if i pray everyday, the Man at the gates will let me in. Doctor, do you know how i can get there quickly?" A wave of pity swept over me. She didnt know this place was was no place at all but death. An atheist i was in terms of religion. I realised if God had loved us so much he, the so-called divine creator would rid all these people of their pain and i would still be able to hold my daughter's hands and tell her how much i loved her. For a moment i considered telling her how futile it was, how no God could save her from Death's clutches.. but i reconsidered this and told the young lady, "Have faith in the Man at the gates my dear, if you are a good girl and continue praying as your mother told you, he will surely let you in." She smiled the sweetest smile the world, comparable the to honeyed grin of my daughter's. I then told her the rough outline of what i read about heaven years ago in the bible. (or at least what i thought heaven was). after telling her the story i turned my back to leave. then, "Mister Denver! could you please come again and tell me more about this place called heaven?" she asked, eyes glimmering with pure interest. I smiled, nodded and said, "but on one condition, you will have to promise me that you continue to be strong and we will fight against the baddies together." she jumped to her bed and instantly agreed, making me hook fingers with her.

days flew by and Lina was getting weaker and weaker. I could tell as everytime i visited her and told her stories i picked out from the bible about Jesus and how he loved Man i could see that she was getting thinner and more frail. But the smile and bright expression she wore on that pretty face of hers never faded one bit. i revealed to her the truth that the place could only be reached after she passes away. but she said that she wasnt afraid as she believed my words that the place would be more beautiful than the world of pain she was in. there were times i told her how my daughter looked so much like her and how she had gone to the "wonderful" place and how much i missed my daughter and wanted to leave the hospital. and she told me the Man at the gates loved my daughter and he would take good care of her until the day came where i went to the wonderful place myself. i laughed, knowingly to myself that if heaven existed, i would surely be sent to hell. but little did i know that the reading of the bible to tell Lina about God was slowly changing me.

Then came that fateful day when i reached her ward i noticed that her ward was particularly bustling with the hurried voices of other doctors and nurses. For that moment, I PRAYED. for the first time in my life. for lina. i begged God not to take Lina away. and i asked that even if He had to we would let her leave painlessly. i rushed into the room. confirming my horrors, they were losing Lina, the doctor told me that she had just a few minutes left and her parents had died in a car crash and woudnt come and if i had any last words to say to her i had better say it now. then from behind those white lab coats came the voice of a dying girl who was full of life. " Mister Denver is that you?" she said. I made my way past the other doctors telling them to give us some privacy as i stood by Lina's side. "doctor. i want to thank you." she said. "for what? i asked. " i cant save you. youre going to die Lina. and im useless. i cant do anything about it." i nearly shouted, close to tears. Lina smiled, " i know that mister denver, but i know you tried your best. but the thing i want to thank you the most for mr denver, is for telling me the truth. i thought the stories about the man at the gates and heaven were a bluff to keep me going. but looke mr denver! out of the window! its so beautiful and bright! the people with wings are singing such a beautiful melody! dont you hear it mr denver?" i turned around and looked out of the window, there was nothing but dark clouds and a slight drizzle. but i turned back and nodded. " and mr denver! the man at the gates! u know the one who has holes in the palms of his hands? hes standing right behind you with a girl who looks just like me! oh what fun we'll have playing together." i spun frantically. cecilla! my daughter! but saw nothing. i looked back. " oh.. ok.. " lina said, smile dimming for a moment "the Man says i have to go now, thank you mr denver." then she brightened up again. and she slipped into a permanent slumber.

From that day on, i read more of the bible and became a believer. My work improved and i got on with life. i was promoted to head of the cancer department and continued to battle against the illness in the hope of saving more patients like Lina and my daughter. and whenever i see that window. i would remember Lina, how she gave me support and reminded me to be strong like her. "thank you Lina, for saving all these people i will heal. and thank you. for saving me."

2006-05-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

"have you ever wondered the reason behind your existence,
or unquestioningly accepted that life was just a coincidence.
that we were born to a pathway of death, to heaven or hell,
whether the realms even exist we'll leave that to faith to tell.

is the colour red really red or blue really blue,
whether we know what we know we don't have a clue.
then again, what is knowledge? things we percieve?
or rather things in which we just choose to believe?

Life is a mystery, a paradox, a contradiction,
possession of the truth of it is but a piece of fiction.
my guess is life then, is about faith,
whether i know that for sure is a myth.

so have faith in what youre reading,
instead of comtemplating how it is misleading.
for it will be walking in a circular maze forever,
find the exit or entrance you will never."

2006-04-24T19:43:00.001+08:00

"blunt are the phrases that from her lips uncurl,
ravinging are the syllables that at me she would hurl.
open wounds mark the gashes sustained from her tongue's mighty sword,
killing slowly and painfully is the sound of a single word.
eventually all this hurt will dull itself, erase the cruciating pain,
numb the very knowledge that things won't be the same again."

i used to do this kinda poem. has sumthin hidden. haha. actualli its quite easily spot. =)

2006-04-21T23:06:00.000+08:00

Just some inspiration i got. exaggerated and abit dramatic. but i do believe there are families like tht. God bless them.

Shattered portrait
"I open the front door of a place i sleep in,
inside, turmoil, they're making such a din.
i open my mouth to greet Mom and Dad,
but they're shouting, the yelling's so bad,
that i cant hear the words coming out of my mouth,
the language they using is so very uncouth.

i scream. try to break up the fight,
but then i don't know anymore whats right,
coz i got slapped. wham. on the side of my face,
i ask myself, what the fuck, where the hell is this place?
Home? or rather a place i spend the cold nights,
or what? colosseum? where they host all the fights?

i slam my room door shut. drown out the all of the sound,
pillows over my ears, waiting for them to finish the round.
soon the yelling stops. Mommy's in tears,
Dad's reeking of alchohol. drowning sorrow in beers.
i shut my eyes tight. trying to get some rest.
some peace. hell. im looking forward for tomorrows test!"

2006-04-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

just felt like writing lyrics. dunno if its good but well. the song is nice!

The torch carrier (using the tune "affections of time- inuyasha")

"when the dark clouds form,
ill be right here with you,
next to you,
holding you,
its true.

when the storm pours down,
ill be here, shielding you,
from the rain,
from the pain,
its true.

every frown,
every fall,
every tear that you shed,
i was there,
for you to lean onto.

all the burdens,
all the thorns,
let me take them from you,
grasp my hand, take your stand
im true.

when the sky clears, its bright,
i will then take my flight,
far away,
kept at bay,
from you.

you just dont seem to care,
but ill always be there,
here with you,
next to you,
its true.."

2006-04-19T22:52:00.000+08:00

"its frightening. to be forgotten.
to be like a fable unwritten.
erased. burnt into ashes raven black.
memories put in one's mind's back.

the pages of text glow red-hot amongst the cinder,
unnoticed, consumed by the flames dancing on the timber.
its half-author, absorbed in the writing of new stories,
while the other half-author's mind is brimming with worries.

he worries of whether the tale would continue,
whether his partner would give the book its due,
attention, concern or at least just keep it in mind.
but the book, now dust, sits on the fireplace's hearth, where she will never find."

2006-04-09T21:54:00.001+08:00

haha. todae went to plae drums.. i was abit spastic as my brain and my four limbs are rather detached when it comes to drums and plus i havent touched anything related to drums fora long time so im a lil rusty. hahaha. anw aaron is pro la. i so hope his thingy succeeds so i can quit bball recre and join musicianship.

oh. tammy and ashley are so cute. nala i dunno. but quite cool la. haaha. ashley u attention grabber. pls leave tammy alone when i touch her. hahah. dun vie with her. ull get ur fair share la. hahaha. ok. tht may sound wrong to anione hus reading this. hahah. i was talking abt DOGS la! hahaha. three dogs. so cool la. drumset at home. piano at home. guitar at home. ps2 + xbox at home. sl u are so cool lar pls. and aaron too. my shifu. i beg u to teach me the skill of pounding at the drum set according to ur feelings. woah. u too rock la. and i muz overcome my rustiness and spasticity.

the sound of drums are still in my ears.

2006-04-09T21:54:00.000+08:00

2006-04-08T23:30:00.000+08:00

played soccer todae.. poor kenghao had this stupid guy in the spec shop adjust his specs till it broke into two. tht guy sucked. anw i got my street soccer shoes todae. they are so chio tht i cant bear to wear them laa. -.-" haha. i hope they last this time tho. i alwaes buy any shoes den spoil vv fast de. lol. whoo. tiempo rox. me kenghao and dex are gonna look so gay wearing the same shoes.

2006-04-07T22:30:00.000+08:00

"the crowds dispersing,
fading, the sounds of chatter.
somehow, suddenly,
everything else didnt matter.
how did my eyes,
of all places land on her?
a wave of my hand,
at first, in slight fear,
of her not noticing,
of the chance my heart wud sear,
with the pain of the past,
every wound and every tear,
shed, and felt.
weak am i u must leer,
but i gave all i had,
it was just plain and sheer,
determination, that pulled me through,
then she lifted her head, the mere,
glance of hers, beautiful,
awoke the memories i used to hold dear.
her voice, even a whisper,
i wanted so much to hear.
puzzled, confused i was,
hadnt i put all those emotions in the rear?

i was lost and i realised i still am now. but its impossible. isnt it?

then.. she smiled.

looked back.

waved. eyes met for a moment i wished was forever.....

...... and no. i tell myself i dun love her anymore."

2006-04-03T19:19:00.000+08:00

hmm. todae is the third of april. the dae i was brought into this world of laughter and tears. thanks shude and marcus for the wonderful cheesecake which i consumed in a mouthful. and three oh three for the bdae song. lol. sorry for not replying to sum of those bdae msgs. but thx huiting, rachel, bev, rianne (imsuresumonetolduabtit) nad, nas, geri, junzhi???(hewaslikeholyshittodaeisurbdae?whynvtellme?but i shall thank him for showing "concern" (second sentence)) and how cud i forget fel! hahah. sikai ge also. thanks mommy and daddy for rmbrin too! oh and also to the two random pple who wrote in the card. hahaha. special thanks to tabitha hu did a CARD whoa. and the card got VERY NICE, BEAUTIFUL DRAWINGS xD ahaha. but damn sweet la. thanks. considering its been a mth ive known u only and 12 years ive known u existed. and rachel too hu gave me this cool toothpick dispenser thingy. haha (are u implying sumthin?)

THANK U PPLE FOR MAKING THIS BDAE THE BEST ONE IVE HAD IN YEARS.

well. i expected none to rmb this dae. e 3rd. but its really heartwarming to know tht pple did! i dun expect pple to rmb or wish me animore these daes. =) its too painful to do. instead ill take it as a bonus for those hu did. and i sure have rather alot of bonuses this yr! harhar.

Quote:
"the less u expect of something, the more of a something the something u didn't expect will be." - me.

2006-03-30T21:48:00.000+08:00

todae we won the capt ball silly stuff. inter house thing.. played till so late laa. waited so long. anw. mjc lost 3-2 in the soccer match. sad. but not tht i realli care. haha.

2006-03-29T19:50:00.000+08:00

tml i hafgeog test plus i haf to complete three tutorials. hmms. im kinda screwed i guess. no time to stay arnd and blog nemore. hope ill be able to compose another poem tml on my blog. hopefully ill be free enuff. hahaha. had sum great ideas todae but din haf enuff time to pen them down. hmm. guess its goodbye bloggie for todae. =)

2006-03-28T20:03:00.000+08:00

todae was a day too busy for my liking.. it was like.. " omg. im gonna be late for" this and tht. ahaha. like i hardly accomplished any of my homework the previous night and was chionging it today for a stupid reason. i slept. last night i was supposed to sleep for an hour till 8 but ended up waking onli to realise i had slept thru the night. all coz of the hectic jc life i lead. =p

i have solemnly resolved to be more hardworking for my jc life. to compensate for the two years of mindless army life ill be leading after i turn 18 and am being made to serve my nation. hahah. i also wanna do well man. and hell. ive got geog test on thurs and guess wat. ill give u an equation, (i din take geog for 1st three mths + i didnt go for make up lecture) x i have onli a dae left before test - time taken by science fiesta if i cant pontang = i have a VERY slim chance of doing well.

ayee.. no time no timmeee tooo slaaaacccccckkk. yikes.

2006-03-26T13:02:00.000+08:00

"to heal those wounds takes a length of time,
solace only in which yourself you'll find,
periods of which for her you'll pine,
feeling your life isn't worth a dime,
that youre stuck in the pool of mud and grime,
all you want is for her to show u a sign,
of affection, anything, even its juz a line,
of words, conversation, even a whine,
is precious to your ears, like a music divine,
like sirloin steak topped with a glass of wine,
but she is silent, her words a vineyard without vine,
alone at the table, alone u dine,
thoughts of her are in your head, ringing an incessant chime,
it tastes bitter the half empty glass of the juice of lime,
you feel that the fault can't be hers, its mine all mine,
but you must let all that hurt, that tension unwind,
keep the painful memories but put them behind,
for you, my brother i create this rhyme,
but its you, and only you can make yourself fine."

2006-03-25T08:17:00.000+08:00

yesterday sum weird guy added me. like the email was like astral6aura@hotmail.com. i knew he was gonna be like some idiot but as curiousity killed e cat, haha, i just allowed him just for kicks. he was like:

he: hu are u?

me: hi

me: hu are U?

he: oh!! u are astralaura!

he: hi, i wud like to know more pple hu are interested in the same subjects as me. astral trevel, aura etc.

me: hahahahaahahaha

me: just f*** off

me: bye

-a lil cranky last night. i was going to sleep when this idiot came. honestly. get a life. go do your homework. that wasnt funny. it was plain annoying. go study ur damn astral trevel and ur stupid auras. go sleep. go think of better pranks.

2006-03-24T18:38:00.000+08:00

i luv this layout. xD so fun changing layout. hehs. todae was nicee. made friends with the rest of my class which means yesterdae's worries are gone! =) lol. plus i dunno why i thought abt climbing the damn tree at ecp. stupid nutty jaz keeps reminding me to do so. haha.

i am officially a pw and gp rep. wow. contrary to WANTING to be one. i juz wanted to go home early as no one wanted to volunteer. anyway. at least the teacher im under is so kind. our form tcha summore. haha. actualli wanted to be house rep but since davis wanted it so nvm lorrr.

shall try compose a poem everytime i blog unless im totally dry of ideas. haha. some may be crappy. but well.. its a hobby. =)

"Hopes, dreams, our innermost desires,
these are what ignite our spirits' fires.
After all what is Man without aim?
Desire drives and contentment maims.

Dont let the spark of opportunity slip by,
a single chance may be all u get to try,
to light the blazing flame of determination,
fueled by the oils of passion and aspiration.

be sure of what you wish to cook,
give your ingredients a second look.
As once you set the pot over the flame,
have no regrets, find no one to blame.

no path to success is a bed of roses,
the determined win and the quitter loses.
endure the winds of approaching troubles,
burn bright and brave when facing these hurdles.

ull smell the aroma of whats in your pot,
once your effort has heated it up nice and hot.
then comes the time to pick both spoon and fork,
and savour the delicacy of all your hard work."

2006-03-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

todae was rather fun dae but coz of bball.. but otherwise it kinda sucked. haha. i think my class is like halved. haha. hope soon they wun seem so alien to me. haha. felt weird todae too. like juz din feel like talking.. hahaha. no idea why.. mabbie juz a lil lonely.. ha. anw. i like jay chou's mai ya tang. hahah. i used to think it sucked but wel yeah. now i like itt. hehs. hope tml will be betta.

2006-03-22T19:10:00.000+08:00

it rained again todae. hahha so nicceee. todae played bball with my kuzzin and like jun zhi and edmund. ha. quite fun. lucky i din join geri to play soccer. poor naroth like fell down and a piece of his chin like came out.. it was gross. ewww. looked serious. hope hes okae. anyway bball was fun.

tossed the american football too. ahaha. me and junzhi were like running arnd the bball court tossin the ball.. think its so cool to have a football. damn nice to throw. then when ya grab it with both hands u can feel e POWER. muahahaha.

yay. i think i got transfered out of choir. to bball! roxx. hehs. lucky the choir in charge is like my ex chem teacher. hehs.

rained todae.. haha so nice. dunno why but the rain seems to have a calming effect on me. =) brings back memories. hehs. maybe some sad ones.. but they no longer make me sad coz ive gotten over them. but i miss those daes. hahaha. anw.. jiayous to my fren hus trying to get over some breakup. its dumb to be stuck in the middle a reason why i give no comment. yeahh. but well.. i hope for the best for e both of u.

him:
"Cascading walls of precious stones,
descend from the dark gloom above.
The coldness pierces right through my bones,
as i reminsce about the lost love.

In the vast sky lightning flashes,
memories of us play on like a slideshow.
These thoughts of you are like gashes,
reopening, how could you deal me such a fatal blow.

Don't you feel anything? Anything at all?
Two years it has been, why do this?
I feel like im never gonna get up from this fall,
coz its you, forever, the girl i will sorely miss."

her:
"The storm is over and the tears have been shed.
accept it, be strong, end your pining.
I know u feel terrible, i know how much u bled.
but it irks me the way u continue whining.

Wont you let me keep the beautiful picture of u i have?
Im sorry i caused you hurt. But we were naive then.
I will always remember the love and care you gave.
It would have ended anyway, it was just a matter when.

Why not end it now where the pain would be less,
then drag it until the time where the ending would devastate.
It is cruel to do this i must confess,
But you must accept it, this isnt the end, its just fate."

2006-03-21T20:08:00.000+08:00

today i realised tabitha who is from my pri skool is in my cg! no wonder i found tht she looked so familiar.. plus she lives like onli 60 blocks difference which is quite cool.

haha. pee-dub-you is a wonderful lesson. xD for all those hu are oblivious to what im talking abt. that is the way a lecturer of PROJECT WORK saes it. he also rrrrrrrrrrrrrreally likes to drrrrrrrrrrag the "r"s of his sentences. many laughed at his comical imitation of a penguin during the lecture but either way. i was falling asleep. too boring.

well.. din have much ideas on what to write abt todae.. or rather i had too many. all i noe tht had this urge to blog. but i discovered that i juz cudnt put my feelings abt sumthin on my blog anyway. because.. both sides of my hand are flesh ( haha. a chinese saying or sumthin but well, it decribes wad i faced when i decided not to post my poem. )

well thts all for todae and btw i got posted to CHOIR but tht is SO wrong. im gonna try to change back to bball recre. PLEASE allow me to change. haha.